Monday, August 22, 2011


Well, I certainly have not been on this blog much in the past few weeks.  As any who are reading this now know mom passed away at 8:20 pm on Friday August 5th, that has been 16 days ago.  Much has gone on since and all of this seems as though it has been a dream.  The week following mom's passing we were busy with funeral arrangements etc, then the followup.  There were a lot of family around, our personal family reunion occurred at the funeral as everyone who traveled here had to change schedules and the reunion which was to start over a week later did not happen due to the circumstances.  I am not sure I have really come to accept mom's passing.  So much has gone on since and it had been expected for some time so as I mentioned it seems as though it has been a dream  I am not sure I have come to grips with it yet, her passing was a relief for her and a major change for dad and some change for the rest of us.  Her life for the past several months, and to some degree even back to her stroke,was not the same.  Even though her mind remained bright to the end, she had many difficulties.  Energy, appetite, weight, warmth and her smile all had suffered as a result of the stroke, her heart failure and her age.  The fall that occurred on Tuesday night the 2nd of August no doubt hastened her departure, but that departure was inevitable and would have come fairly soon, she did not eat and did not enjoy food, the Sunday before the fall she had been even colder than usual (it was about 80 in our house) and she froze after dinner, Jake got the blanket from our bed and she wrapped up in it, she didn't want to stay long and was worn out.   She had bounced between looking a little better on a few days and looking worse on most, it seemed over the past month or so there had been a definite increase in the latter.   It was hard to see mom that way, she had been so energetic in the past, so talkative, so involved with food at every turn of events, our family dinners, helping others, etc.  All of this had changed and the change was disturbing to those of us that knew her and loved her.

Mom, I miss you, I love you.  She was ready, she said she was not afraid, she worried about dad, she wanted everyone there and most were.  She told us what she wanted at the funeral.  Death is difficult at best, with mom it was no exception, but it was peaceful as well, her last few minutes with the exception of the ragged breathing seemed to be time in slow motion as her spirit prepared to exit her body.   The last breaths were short but there were signs of recognition, recognition by mom of those mortally present, recognition of someone or someone's not mortally present.  There was a gesture of "goodbye" as well as of "hello", we all felt it and we all witnessed it.  Each of us will remember and interpret it as we saw it.  This much I know, Mom knew what lay ahead, mom didn't want to leave us , but knew the plan and knew it was an essential part of it.  Even though she had been told a few times in the past months it was coming, the reality of the experience obviously is much clearer than the anticipation.  She is a strong and noble woman, a loving wife and mother, she is stubborn and speaks her mind, people knew how she felt, she claimed many friends and relatives (even ones who by divorce were no longer in the family - she still claimed them).  This was one of her great abilities to see beyond the differences and to still lay claim to those she knew and had known.  We can learn something from this, for if indeed we expect to live a Celestial life when this is over - all, regardless - will be what they are and that is family.  Mom you always taught me even when you didn't know you were doing it.  I love you Mom, and as you welcomed and nurtured me in this world I know you will be there to welcome and nurture me in the next.