Well, I certainly have not been on this blog much in the past few weeks. As any who are reading this now know mom passed away at 8:20 pm on Friday August 5th, that has been 16 days ago. Much has gone on since and all of this seems as though it has been a dream. The week following mom's passing we were busy with funeral arrangements etc, then the followup. There were a lot of family around, our personal family reunion occurred at the funeral as everyone who traveled here had to change schedules and the reunion which was to start over a week later did not happen due to the circumstances. I am not sure I have really come to accept mom's passing. So much has gone on since and it had been expected for some time so as I mentioned it seems as though it has been a dream I am not sure I have come to grips with it yet, her passing was a relief for her and a major change for dad and some change for the rest of us. Her life for the past several months, and to some degree even back to her stroke,was not the same. Even though her mind remained bright to the end, she had many difficulties. Energy, appetite, weight, warmth and her smile all had suffered as a result of the stroke, her heart failure and her age. The fall that occurred on Tuesday night the 2nd of August no doubt hastened her departure, but that departure was inevitable and would have come fairly soon, she did not eat and did not enjoy food, the Sunday before the fall she had been even colder than usual (it was about 80 in our house) and she froze after dinner, Jake got the blanket from our bed and she wrapped up in it, she didn't want to stay long and was worn out. She had bounced between looking a little better on a few days and looking worse on most, it seemed over the past month or so there had been a definite increase in the latter. It was hard to see mom that way, she had been so energetic in the past, so talkative, so involved with food at every turn of events, our family dinners, helping others, etc. All of this had changed and the change was disturbing to those of us that knew her and loved her.
Mom, I miss you, I love you. She was ready, she said she was not afraid, she worried about dad, she wanted everyone there and most were. She told us what she wanted at the funeral. Death is difficult at best, with mom it was no exception, but it was peaceful as well, her last few minutes with the exception of the ragged breathing seemed to be time in slow motion as her spirit prepared to exit her body. The last breaths were short but there were signs of recognition, recognition by mom of those mortally present, recognition of someone or someone's not mortally present. There was a gesture of "goodbye" as well as of "hello", we all felt it and we all witnessed it. Each of us will remember and interpret it as we saw it. This much I know, Mom knew what lay ahead, mom didn't want to leave us , but knew the plan and knew it was an essential part of it. Even though she had been told a few times in the past months it was coming, the reality of the experience obviously is much clearer than the anticipation. She is a strong and noble woman, a loving wife and mother, she is stubborn and speaks her mind, people knew how she felt, she claimed many friends and relatives (even ones who by divorce were no longer in the family - she still claimed them). This was one of her great abilities to see beyond the differences and to still lay claim to those she knew and had known. We can learn something from this, for if indeed we expect to live a Celestial life when this is over - all, regardless - will be what they are and that is family. Mom you always taught me even when you didn't know you were doing it. I love you Mom, and as you welcomed and nurtured me in this world I know you will be there to welcome and nurture me in the next.
Flint Creek Range
Monday, August 22, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
3 Ring or 4 Ring Circus
Today (Tuesday August 2, 2011) has been a little bit of a difficulty. While taking Kimmy walking up Cramer Creek on the way out she fell out of the truck window while I was going about 20 mph, she didn't jump she just leaned to far, it was hot and she was trying to get more wind. She limped around, but from that stand point seemed to be ok in a while, this pm while I had her take a nap when she woke up she wouldn't open her left eye and when I pry it open it is just a slit? I hope she just got stung again or some allergy from the grass or something. She is in bed now will see what it looks like tomorrow, she has been scratching at it. Next when I called Saundra on the way back to Missoula she had just fainted in the pediatrician's office - she felt faint and went out of the room where Kade was going to get circumcised and she fainted in the hall, the Dr. called the parmamedics who came and treated her checking everything over - the whole thing is similar to 20 years ago - she won't admit it but I think she has problems with her heart beating hard and fast and won't admit it. Next mom was not feeling well today she had several visitors and she looked worn out when I wen there and she said she didn't feel good at all. We'll see how that is tomorrow when she has fewer visitors. Next dad as I was leaving, called me back and said, "I have something I need you to know". He was very serious and I thought something else must be going on. He looked at me and said "Those guys didn't co0me until 25 minutes until 2 and they came from the wrong direction". It took me a second to realize he was talking about the garbage truck. I said "dad the letter just meant your route would start at 6:30 am". He said, "No it was to us, what is going on, and they came from the wrong way?" I am not making light of dad's fixation with the garbage, but it is a little odd that he worries so much about somethings. Oh I forgot, mom got meals on wheels squared around and they brought dad's today - yesterday he was mad because they didn't bring it - when mom cancelled one they thought she meant both, well today they brought his and he said "that was the worst meal I have ever seen." Again not making light of it, but first he is mad if it doesn't come and by the way it better not be late, he refers to it as his breakfast, then when it does come he always tells me how lousy it is. Three pretty serious things to dad at this time are garbage, meals on wheels and his sprinkler which he will not leave set on automatic and insists on going to the basement and pushing the button each sprinkling day.
I told my kids - just take me to the hills and prop me up by a tree, leave my gun, my carving tools (I may not use ether, come back for them later). I really at this stage don't want to live that long. Oh there is one more thing dad is serious as taxes about and that is driving. He says, "I am a better driver than most of the goofy people in this town and he is as serious as stink on a skunk.
Thursday (August 4, 2011) This post was interrupted by a call from dad - mom had fallen down the stairs I rushed over and got an ambulance - she is home but has not been out of bed since, not doing well, not able to eat etc. I will follow this with more information at a later date.
I told my kids - just take me to the hills and prop me up by a tree, leave my gun, my carving tools (I may not use ether, come back for them later). I really at this stage don't want to live that long. Oh there is one more thing dad is serious as taxes about and that is driving. He says, "I am a better driver than most of the goofy people in this town and he is as serious as stink on a skunk.
Thursday (August 4, 2011) This post was interrupted by a call from dad - mom had fallen down the stairs I rushed over and got an ambulance - she is home but has not been out of bed since, not doing well, not able to eat etc. I will follow this with more information at a later date.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Hot Doggers
Today I went to Costco to have my 6th Hot Dog since Saundra left for Portland. As I stood in line I realized that there is a real difference in experiences Hot Doggers and non experienced ones. Let me break it down for you.
First the experienced dogger knows exactly what he or she is after - the non experienced one stands gawking at the menu board for a niumber of minutes usually 20 feet or so from the counter (trained by signs in banks and doctors offices - for confidentiality - these people worry that they night overhear the person in front of them order their dog).
Second the experienced dogger has his or her money out $1.50 - none of this confusion at the counter as to the prices etc, like they are surprised.
Third the experienced dogger says to the counter person a hotdog, slaw and a fork, the inexperienced one says I'd like a hotdog and then they stand dumbfounded about the whole experience.
Fourth the experienced dogger - gets their dog, slaw, cup and fork and heads directly to the pop dispenser and fills their cup, grabs a handful of napkins - they take these immediately to a table and stake out their spot by leaving the pop, the fork, napkins and the slaw while they go load their dog.
Fifth the experienced dogger loads his dog in this order 1) onions - lots, relish, mustard and finally ketchup. The inexperienced one fiddles around and gets everything out of order - it takes them at least twice as long to load up. Any experienced dogger realizes that the order onion, relish, mustard and ketchup is the quickest and the most sensible order.
Sixth the experienced dogger sits down - uses one or more napkins to clean the table surface, opens the foil wrapping of his dog and then forks on the slaw. The inexperienced dogger fiddles with the foil, never wipes the surface and didn't have a fork so they use their fingers if they did get slaw (most of the time they overlook this key ingredient).
Seventh once all these steps are followed the experienced dogger settles in and takes his first bite savoring the dog as though it might be his last, the inexperienced dogger just starts eating.
Eighth the experienced dogger then looks around for friends or to see who is present in the food court, sips his soda and then resumes the consumption of the delicacy. The inexperienced one just eats and drinks and gets up and leaves like it was a necessary evil. The experienced dogger realizes each dog outing is a life changing experience and treats it reverently and with solemnity, knowing this is the very best $1,50 lunch (or dinner) around.
Finally the experienced dogger consumes less than 1/2 of his dog before he gets more soda (got to get your moneys worth) and then he sits and enjoys several sodas after the dog is finished. The inexperienced one may only drink one soda or two at the max and then heads out the door.
The most experienced doggers refill their soda even as they leave and browse Costco while enjoying the soda and then returns after the browsing or purchases to refill one for the road.
To be a real dooger one must have at least and I am serious, at least ten years experience in this process. In my case the whole experience began before Montana had any Costco's Spokane had one, back in 1989.
Trying to remember I have consumed Costco dogs in several Seattle locations, Portland, Tri Cities, Kalispell, Missoula, Bozeman, Spokane (both), Anchorage, Kona Hawaii, Salt Lake City, St. George, and several other locations I am sure - I truly am a hot dog connoisseur a real hot dogger in more ways than one - ha!
First the experienced dogger knows exactly what he or she is after - the non experienced one stands gawking at the menu board for a niumber of minutes usually 20 feet or so from the counter (trained by signs in banks and doctors offices - for confidentiality - these people worry that they night overhear the person in front of them order their dog).
Second the experienced dogger has his or her money out $1.50 - none of this confusion at the counter as to the prices etc, like they are surprised.
Third the experienced dogger says to the counter person a hotdog, slaw and a fork, the inexperienced one says I'd like a hotdog and then they stand dumbfounded about the whole experience.
Fourth the experienced dogger - gets their dog, slaw, cup and fork and heads directly to the pop dispenser and fills their cup, grabs a handful of napkins - they take these immediately to a table and stake out their spot by leaving the pop, the fork, napkins and the slaw while they go load their dog.
Fifth the experienced dogger loads his dog in this order 1) onions - lots, relish, mustard and finally ketchup. The inexperienced one fiddles around and gets everything out of order - it takes them at least twice as long to load up. Any experienced dogger realizes that the order onion, relish, mustard and ketchup is the quickest and the most sensible order.
Sixth the experienced dogger sits down - uses one or more napkins to clean the table surface, opens the foil wrapping of his dog and then forks on the slaw. The inexperienced dogger fiddles with the foil, never wipes the surface and didn't have a fork so they use their fingers if they did get slaw (most of the time they overlook this key ingredient).
Seventh once all these steps are followed the experienced dogger settles in and takes his first bite savoring the dog as though it might be his last, the inexperienced dogger just starts eating.
Eighth the experienced dogger then looks around for friends or to see who is present in the food court, sips his soda and then resumes the consumption of the delicacy. The inexperienced one just eats and drinks and gets up and leaves like it was a necessary evil. The experienced dogger realizes each dog outing is a life changing experience and treats it reverently and with solemnity, knowing this is the very best $1,50 lunch (or dinner) around.
Finally the experienced dogger consumes less than 1/2 of his dog before he gets more soda (got to get your moneys worth) and then he sits and enjoys several sodas after the dog is finished. The inexperienced one may only drink one soda or two at the max and then heads out the door.
The most experienced doggers refill their soda even as they leave and browse Costco while enjoying the soda and then returns after the browsing or purchases to refill one for the road.
To be a real dooger one must have at least and I am serious, at least ten years experience in this process. In my case the whole experience began before Montana had any Costco's Spokane had one, back in 1989.
Trying to remember I have consumed Costco dogs in several Seattle locations, Portland, Tri Cities, Kalispell, Missoula, Bozeman, Spokane (both), Anchorage, Kona Hawaii, Salt Lake City, St. George, and several other locations I am sure - I truly am a hot dog connoisseur a real hot dogger in more ways than one - ha!
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