Monday, August 1, 2011

Hot Doggers

Today I went to Costco to have my 6th Hot Dog since Saundra left for Portland.  As I stood in line I realized that there is a real difference in experiences Hot Doggers and non experienced ones.  Let me break it down for you.

First the experienced dogger knows exactly what he or she is after - the non experienced one stands gawking at the menu board for a niumber of minutes usually 20 feet or so from the counter (trained by signs in banks and doctors offices - for confidentiality - these people worry that they night overhear the person in front of them order their dog).

Second the experienced dogger has his or her money out $1.50 - none of this confusion at the counter as to the prices etc, like they are surprised.

Third the experienced dogger says to the counter person a hotdog, slaw and a fork, the inexperienced one says I'd like a hotdog and then they stand dumbfounded about the whole experience.

Fourth the experienced dogger - gets their dog, slaw, cup and fork and heads directly to the pop dispenser and fills their cup, grabs a handful of napkins - they take these immediately to a table and stake out their spot by leaving the pop, the fork, napkins and the slaw while they go load their dog.

Fifth the experienced dogger loads his dog in this order 1) onions - lots, relish, mustard and finally ketchup.  The inexperienced one fiddles around and gets everything out of order - it takes them at least twice as long to load up.  Any experienced dogger realizes that the order onion, relish, mustard and ketchup is the quickest and the most sensible order.

Sixth the experienced dogger sits down - uses one or more napkins to clean the table surface, opens the foil wrapping of his dog and then forks on the slaw.  The inexperienced  dogger fiddles with the foil, never wipes the surface and didn't have a fork so they use their fingers if they did get slaw (most of the time they overlook this key ingredient).

Seventh once all these steps are followed the experienced dogger settles in and takes his first bite savoring the dog as though it might be his last, the inexperienced dogger just starts eating.

Eighth the experienced dogger then looks around for friends or to see who is present in the food court, sips his soda and then resumes the consumption of the delicacy.  The inexperienced one just eats and drinks and gets up and leaves like it was a necessary evil.  The experienced dogger realizes each dog outing is a life changing experience and treats it reverently and with solemnity, knowing this is the very best $1,50 lunch (or dinner) around.

Finally the experienced dogger consumes less than 1/2 of his dog before he gets more soda (got to get your moneys worth) and then he sits and enjoys several sodas after the dog is finished.  The inexperienced one may only drink one soda or two at the max and then heads out the door.

The most experienced doggers refill their soda even as they leave and browse Costco while enjoying the soda and then returns after the browsing or purchases to refill one for the road.

To be a real dooger one must have at least and I am serious, at least ten years experience in this process.  In my case the whole experience began before Montana had any Costco's Spokane had one, back in 1989. 

Trying to remember I have consumed Costco dogs in several Seattle locations, Portland, Tri Cities, Kalispell, Missoula, Bozeman, Spokane (both), Anchorage, Kona Hawaii, Salt Lake City, St. George, and several other locations I am sure - I truly am a hot dog connoisseur a real hot dogger in more ways than one - ha!

1 comment:

  1. You have put entirely way to much thought into eating these hot dogs. Mom better come home soon!